When people say, “in all honesty…” or “to tell you the truth…” am I to assume that everything they previously told me was fabricated?
They just told me their name was Tom, but they didn’t indicate that was indeed an honest statement .
II. Tips I don’t want to follow
Family Member: If you eat the cookie upside down, your tongue will turn red.
Me: So….I definitely don’t want to do that.
(the cookie had red frosting on the top of it)
III. Frozen Four
A friend is into hockey, and since basketball has Final Four, they were wondering where their Frozen Four was. Be careful what you wish for, as they are currently making Frozen 2.
IV. Road Rage
It was a very cold morning. The guy in front of me evidently was not happy at the driver next to him. He proceeds to roll down the window and yell at him. “Wow” I thought “I don’t care how mad I am at someone, I would not roll my window down. It is way too cold to be doing that.”.
V. Book Sign
A person gave me a book, the first chapter is titled “Get a Life”. I think they’re trying to tell me something.
VI. Rick McCallum
Rick McCallum, producer of Star Wars Episodes 1-3 and who brought in a new digital era in cinema, saw me at the Star Wars Celebration III convention in Indianapolis. He told me I had a nice camera. When taking a photo with a group of fans, he asked the guy if the camera he had was digital and seemed very impressed with it.
A producer of Star Wars, done mostly in digital with greenscreen everywhere, should not be this impressed with consumer-grade electronics.
At the Office
I. Breakroom Machine
In the breakroom, we have beverages, snacks, chips – nothing too special for a breakroom. We then take our product and have a self-checkout computer, where we scan the item and swipe our credit/debit card. One morning I go down, grab a Starbucks Frappachino Mocha, and head to the computer. I try pressing on the touchscreen device. Nothing. The computer is frozen. I place back my beverage and begin to walk out. A co-worker has been looking at the struggle of human vs. machine, and asks “isn’t there an on-off switch?” I reply, “I just take it as a sign I’m not supposed to buy this today.”
II. Baby Shower
We had a baby shower for a co-worker in the office and we were asked tips for the mother. My tip was “Don’t take advice from people who don’t have kids.”
I. Date Part 1: Dating Outlook
Dating seemed more like a job interview and less like – well, whatever they’re supposed to be. I went on some dates that I left, saying, “Well, that was a waste of an hour.” I’m sure the other person would probably agree, but we were stuck on seeing the date to the end. So, I had planned if I knew the other person wasn’t interested in me, I would at least give them either an interesting story to tell, or give me an interesting story to tell. I had no idea what this would actually look like, but it sounded far more entertaining than just sticking it out.
II. Date Part 2: The Meeting
As soon as she introduced herself, I knew she wasn’t interested. She made some excuse about needing to go soon, and we hadn’t even ordered our coffee yet.
III. Date Part 3: Discussion Topic
Seeing as how she wasn’t interested in me, we somehow landed on the topic of public safety. She had mentioned she ran on the Monon, somehow it was brought up about the safety (there were recent robberies on certain sections of the Monon) so we spent most of the date going over ‘safety tips to living and running in Indianapolis’. It was either one of the most informational dates ever, or the oddest.
IV. Dating Advice
I’ve been given advice on dating and relationships since high school – more importantly, I’ve been given advice on who not to date. In high school, a teacher told my mom to tell me not to date so-and-so. In college, my friends told me not to date so-and-so. I’ve been given a book on The Ten Commandments of Dating, which I’m sure has great advice telling me what to avoid. I guess you could say I have ‘dating advisors’, but my advisors are really bad at actually getting me dates – but if I ever need to avoid a date, I know who to contact.
V. Match Maker Fail
Within the first three months of attending a church, one of the ladies decided to play match maker. The girl’s parents attended the church, and the girl had gone to the church but was living in another part of town now. The ‘match maker’ told me her name, that she knew her, and said she would contact her. I figured it couldn’t hurt.
Semi-important fact: the girl worked for a news station on TV. Evidently since I also work at a news station, we were sure to be a perfect fit, in the match maker’s mind.
The girl was ENGAGED. Questions that went through my mind, “When was the last time these two spoke? When she said she ‘knew’ her, what exactly does that mean? The girl was on TV, did she consider watching her on TV every morning while enjoying her coffee ‘knowning’ her and catching up with her? If I were to ask her if she had breakfast with her, would she answer ‘yes, every morning’?”
VI. Friendship/Enemy Scenerio
How to Make a Friend
1. Shut up and listen. If you don’t hear anything, move to a new location. It is required for at least one individual to be in your presence.
2. Hear noise? Good. Start talking. Start off with a simple, “hello,” followed by a question that will evoke a response other than, “yes” “no” or “maybe”
3. If the person responds with an answer that you can comprehend, follow, and perhaps agree with, you are on the right track. If not, politely excuse yourself to the bathroom and never return. Begin again with step one if you are now finding yourself being excused to the imaginary bathroom.
4. If you find that the two of you have a great conversation going on, do something in common. For girls, it may be to hit up the mall or grab some coffee. For guys, it may be renting a big screen at Best Buy, watching the Super Bowl, followed by a prompt return of the same TV, hoping the sales staff will give you your money back.
5. From this point forward, you will either (a) become friends or (b) become enemies. If you would like to become enemies, upset the other person as much as possible. Create a game out of it. For ways to upset your new-found friend, see “5 Ways to Lose a Friend.”
5 Ways to Lose a Friend
1. Hit on their boyfriend/girlfriend in front of them. Physically. As in punching their loved one.
2. Punch them. Five times. Then, just walk away.
3. Rob them. Make sure they know it’s you, but leave no evidence to avoid jail time.
4. Offer to drive them somewhere, steal their phone, cell phone, and change, and never come to pick them up. Amish town is the ideal location for that one, if you can convince them to go to such a place.
5. Forward them a bunch of chain letters that require them to send the message back to you and to five to fifty friends. Yell at them when they do not comply.